I had a few days out eating and was gonna be happy to be able to stay home more, but that excitement is gone because I got caught int a trap somehow and I also feel like going back to bed.

I was gonna go back to school, but I feel I'd rather work on things like having a nicer life at home and eating out more so I can function better.  Also, 4 hours of math homework in the summer was too much.  I am worried to go back to a community college and take even 2 classes.  I like the big schools where you focus on your major and other classes go on the side as a liberal education if needbe in a Bachelor of Arts program.

The people monitoring me in private and involved keep trying to manipulate my life and give me low self-esteem, like I did something wrong when I didn't, and that's the drama in my life.

It seems my psychiatric mediation is making me tired and withdrawn because I don't really have the illness with which I am diagnosed.

I go to bed when there's nothing to do.  I'm not good enough at violin to be a major at a conservatory.  There's nothing good for me to do.  I am not used to repetitive labor, neither, so cannot do it.


One thing I did was say I can at least feel good about myself no matter where I end up, so to work on that.  However, I keep getting problems from being monitored in private and involving other people and from how the Orlando / Central Florida area reacts to me.  I feel more tired and fat.